For my very first blog post (ever) I had, at least what I thought, was a really great, soul bearing post. It was all done. It was all fancy. It had words italicized for effect and others in bold for statement. And then I did something. Not something good.
Did I mention that I am technologically illiterate? I am. Very. While writing my ground breaking, laying it all on the line post, I drank 2 Brandy Champagne Cocktails. Not to open myself up to write mind you, but so that I could handle the navigation of this ‘new to me’ applied science of technology. The more I sipped, the better I maneuvered how to set up, establish and post a blog.
I was so happy with what I wrote. I sat back and re-read my work. A child even patted me on the back. Shoot, I patted myself on the back!
And then it happened. I thought I figured out what I was doing and tried to edit my post. Suddenly it was all gone. Gone, I tell you, but I suspect that this has happened to at least a few of you over the course of writing a term paper, work report, budget or letter to the school district. I searched my browsers history to no avail. Truly and indeed I was never to recover my moment of brilliance for all of the world to see. You will just have to take my word that it was monumental and life changing. Awe inspiring I tell you. Okay – maybe it was my cocktail. Or 2.
Now I am tired and ready for a 3rd cocktail so I am going to proverbially make this short, sweet and simple.
This is my first blog. My first public post under the name The Foxes Pad. A name for a business that I’ve dreamed of, planned for and yammered away about doing and having for far too many years now.
It’s scary. The quote above sums it all up for me and probably for 1 or 2 or more of you out there. It’s scary.
“Who am I“?
“What defines Me“?
It’s been, like 5 hours of me figuring this all out before I hit 1 stinking button to make it all disappear and Mr. Fox will be home from work any minute and here I sit. Still. Okay – not totally still. My body was racked by sobs there for awhile.
So there’s this thing that I say to our kids (and a family or member or two) and it really is time that I do as I say. Practice what I preach. Walk the Line and whatever else you can come up with. After all, how can I teach something to the 3 most important little foxes in my life when I’ve been afraid to do it myself? Worse yet, have lied about it to myself all of this time?
When they’re too scared to tell me something, and sometimes they’re in tears, I tell them “Just close your eyes, take a deep breath and just say it.” The power of saying something brings it into reality. So often we’re afraid to say something. Even if it’s conceding to a dream that has secretly been calling after us for years on end as we’ve pushed forward with our day to day lives. Pushing it down. Trying not to hear it. Thinking that we can’t go back. That it’s too late now.
I am saying it out loud (okay in print, on the internet where it will NEVER go away!): “I am an artist.” And from here on out when somebody meets me and asks what I do for a living I will answer (as scary as it will be), “I am an artist.” An artist I tell you. Someone who creates, crafts and sees things in a different way. Creating is something that makes me feel life zinging through my body when I see the end result. I will not be defined by what my pay stub says that I am or make. That’s the stuff that pays the bills. That helps me provide the resources for my soul to create and dream, to feed my family, keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.
Each time that I say it, I believe it more and more. I tell you, when I changed my Facebook profession from Manager to that of Principal Artist and Creative Director at The Foxes Pad, I believed it! I felt different! I felt renewed!
“I am an artist.”
I do not intend to quit my paying job, but I do intend to chase my dream. The one that allows me to create and paint and just, well, whatever! The one that will likely not swell my pockets and bank account, but the one that will surely fill my heart and my soul.
And I hope that my little kits will see my bliss and learn that fear can actually propel us to happiness.
Just close your eyes, take a deep breath and say it. You can do it. I know you can.
What does your soul say you are?
Hello, my name is _______ and I am an _______.
(Yeah, there’s a story behind that.)